I have a love hate relationship toward growing pains when they come from God. Over the past few weeks I've been learning that I am lacking in one very important area of my life. It is an area that has to grow and change. ACK! Change...Always a crazy part of life.
Friendship...what does that word mean to you? Friends are so important to me and I've been learning that over the past few years I've been the friend who listens, prays and encourages friends, but I have been missing out on that as the one who is always on that side. Do you know how hard it is to have a normal friendship where you can sit down and 'shoot the breeze' with someone who isn't always having a problem? I am learning it is EXTREMELY hard for me to have a normal adult friendship. Is that weird?
***Now don't get me wrong...I have great friends.***
God has been making me step out and trust Him and grow in Him so I can learn what it is to have that special girl friend relationship with other women who love Jesus. Last year in October we had a women's retreat at church and a lady spoke about friends. She talked about your garden of friends. Some of them are seasonal, some are constant and some are weeds. She talked about how important it was to have those weeds pulled out and trashed and to pray for those constant friends if you do not have them now.
Immediately I knew one woman God wanted me to ask to be in my garden. To this day...I've not asked her. I have pushed the idea of asking her out of my mind over and over. I've thought, 'why would she want to be in my garden' and 'God, do you know who she is?' Ridiculous is all cases. There is no reason why I am still fighting God on this.
The other woman I have talked to about this. But I've allowed myself to not be such a great friend. I find myself not knowing what I am doing and I know that probably sounds completely crazy-how do you not know how to be a friend? HAHA There are days that I do not know my place with her. She is one fabulous lady who loves Jesus more than most. I am blessed to watch her love her Savior.
The funny thing is that I will pray that the Lord will give me chance after chance to share with these two amazing women and I blow it every single time. I might just avoid the topic all together or just walk by and smile. Two days ago I was praying for the chance again and what happens in my quiet time? God says, "You want it...You got it" and I am going through a book Sheila Walsh has out and that morning was this: Today I will choose to be open with a trusted fellow believer about one of my failures or weaknesses and let God minister to me through that person. Now I know God was laughing, but come on, really?
That day was failure again...ha I kicked myself all the way home and couldn't believe that all day I had chance after chance with not just one of my friends but both of the women I've been talking about!!!
The prayer with this particular page says,"Creator God, you know best what is good for us, and you call me to confess my sin, to be open with fellow believers. Please help me do so for my good, for the sake of community, for protection from the enemy, and for your glory." I am pretty sure this was written just for me and that God is opening up some doors that I can't just seem to get through because I am fearful in the flesh.
We should trust that the Lord opens doors for us for our good. We should walk through those doors without fear and expect God's hand on every knob. He knows what is best for us, we just have to walk the path.
I will keep praying for the Lord to open those doors and that I will not allow my flesh rule my thoughts. I will walk through the doors the next time I have that chance! Praising Jesus for growing pains even when I don't like them.
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16
